i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Randomize
