I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize