I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Randomize
