The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
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