"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
cat food counts as protein by the way
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
