Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I have already put on my inside pants.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
