I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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