Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
