Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
