by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
