Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
