I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
he shaved USA in his pubs
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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