she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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