I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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