dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
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