I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
