oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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