I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize