Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
