is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
