You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Randomize
