no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Randomize
