Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
