Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
