Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
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