Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
