I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
be right there i have to get my cape
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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