Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Randomize
