9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
