summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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