I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize