I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I cut my penus on the lid.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I supernannyed him into submission
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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