I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
