I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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