There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
