when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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