I have demons in me.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize
