Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
