I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
