Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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