If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
