And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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