The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Randomize
