I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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