Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
