and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize
