youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
