There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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