I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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