i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I will pee on everything he values.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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