that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Randomize
