The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Randomize
