You're my little dorito
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
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