sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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