bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
