There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Me too!
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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