You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
Randomize
