We won't sleep together?
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Randomize
