Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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