i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
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