He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
