i need an iv and a liver transplant
high people should be assigned attendants
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
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