How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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