"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Randomize
