This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
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