Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I wish i was in the wii world.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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