I don't usually arrange sex via text message
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
