I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
