No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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