I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
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