if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
