Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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