You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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