i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
