How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
