i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Houston, we have a squirter
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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