She's JV to your varsity
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
