I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Plan B is the new Plan A
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Randomize
