I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
