forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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