I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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