im gay
i know
yea but for you.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
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