What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
