if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
even my farts smell like vagina
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
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