Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I'm bleeding and have questions
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