nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
