the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
