So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
you made out with another girl for some wings
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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