the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
