where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize