I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Randomize
