I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I cockslap morals
everyone is single if you try hard enough
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Randomize
