I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
