The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
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