she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize
