I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
