Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Randomize