I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
