when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
